Masturbation– the word itself turns heads and makes us all turn into a pile of giggles and sly looks. Yet, for all that it has to offer the only connotation that I and several women associate it with is shame and guilt. So why is it that something that is supposed to make one feel good does the complete opposite and why is it that so many of us still indulge in this cycle of mixed emotions?
It has long been instilled in our minds that the hands of pleasure for a woman are not her own but that of a man; and, partaking in such activities before and even after marriage is considered as another sin in the long list of dos and don’ts for Indian women. The lack of conversation around self-pleasure and the bare minimum talk about it with one’s friends pushes the idea of female self-pleasure out of the mind. This silence and stigma are huge factors in making one view the act of self-pleasure as something negative and vile.
The silence around female self-pleasure is not just limited to conversations with your friends and family, it even translates across the screen. The dearth of representation of female self-pleasure whether in mainstream media or the sex industry pushes the idea of masturbation for females as something mythical and unrealistic.
In mainstream media, women have been historically categorized under the Madonna-Whore complex where the former is too pure and chaste to deserve something as sinful as self-pleasure and the latter too corrupt and fetishized to deserve respect for partaking in such pleasures. So, watching such representations of what a woman should be and should not be, leaves one hanging in the middle- refusal to be objectified yet yearning for the pleasure that would objectify you.
The sex industry is also not a place where one can find many instances of female pleasure, as it largely caters to the male gaze with an exaggerated and almost mechanical approach to it. Yet the sad reality of the situation is that many of us learn about bodily pleasures through this platform.
Ann Friedman in a 2012 article wrote how “The notion that women enjoy sex has not yet achieved scientific or cultural acceptance”.
This still holds true eight years later.
Despite a surge in ethical, women-centric porn and more mainstream female artists focusing on pleasure (either with a partner(s) or solo) there still seems to exist a backlash. The patriarchal idea that women’s bodies are to be subservient and meant only to fulfil her husband’s sexual needs is still pretty rampant. In a nation where marital rape is not even considered as a felony, the discussion about taking matters in our own hands seems to exist at the periphery on the circle of conversation about sex and sexuality.
Netflix’s 2018 film Lust Stories is a small yet monumental step in depicting female desires that exist outside of getting married and having children for an Indian audience. Accepting that the act itself is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of takes time and conscious effort to dismantle these deeply ingrained thoughts. More conversations and better representation of female sexuality is the only way to disassociate the feelings of shame and guilt.
Self-pleasure is not a way to dehumanize ourselves; it is a way to know your body and sexuality before they know anyone else.
Written by Nitya Sai T for MTTN
Edited by Mihika Antonia Dean for MTTN
Featured image by Hanna Barczyk for NPR
Artwork by www.feminisminindia.com
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