They say as they wipe my tears away,
“If it was meant to be, it would have been.”
A raspy laugh escapes my throat
Now all dry, after the hours of endless sobbing
And I smile ruefully at them.
Their unwavering optimism sickens me,
But their words remind me
Of how you’d said the exact same thing
When you ran out of excuses
To answer my only question:
Why did you fall out of love with me?
I still remember that night, vividly,
The night you left.
My legs draped across the chaise lounge,
A bottle of wine kissing my cherry red lips
I sat waiting for you
As an hour, became two.
I watched, as you stumbled across
Barely sparing me a glance,
And when I called out your name
You scanned the room,
Until your eyes met mine.
At first, there was pain
Then there was disdain
And finally, your eyes turned glassy,
As you frowned.
You walked closer,
Your hands latched onto mine
And for a fleeting second, I let myself hope
But then, you began to speak
And I can’t seem to remember a single word you said,
Perhaps I was too drunk or already lost,
Lost at the thought of losing you.
Yet I do remember, how every word you said
Was like a stake tearing through my skin
Wrenching its way to my heart
“Maybe it’s fate,”
You said and in that moment
I came undone.
For it was the same thing
You’d murmured into my ears
Years ago, when you’d run into me.
Your hands were at the nape of my neck
And the music echoed across the dance floor.
And back then I was too naïve
Or maybe just too drunk
Either on cheap booze or on merely the thought of falling in love
To even begin to understand
That people are never meant to be
That we simply stumble upon each other’s paths
And choose to believe in fate
For romanticizing every aspect of life
Is what makes it seem beautiful.
I should’ve realized that
One day you’d say the same thing
To weasel out of my life,
Blame the universe
For deciding, who you loved and when,
For that’s far easier than blaming yourself.
So I sit here pondering,
As they bombard me with questions
And some even go far enough
To make false promises
And all I do is play the same night in my mind
Over and over, on loop,
And I’m truly amazed at your sheer audacity
For not only did you break me
But you also chose to call it my destiny.
Written by Medha Somayaji for MTTN
Featured image by Shailja Sharma for MTTN