Destiny- Day Twenty Four of NaPoWriMo 2021

They say as they wipe my tears away,

“If it was meant to be, it would have been.”

A raspy laugh escapes my throat

Now all dry, after the hours of endless sobbing

And I smile ruefully at them. 

Their unwavering optimism sickens me,

But their words remind me

Of how you’d said the exact same thing

When you ran out of excuses

To answer my only question:

Why did you fall out of love with me? 

I still remember that night, vividly,

The night you left.

My legs draped across the chaise lounge,

A bottle of wine kissing my cherry red lips

I sat waiting for you

As an hour, became two. 

I watched, as you stumbled across

Barely sparing me a glance, 

And when I called out your name

You scanned the room,

Until your eyes met mine. 

At first, there was pain

Then there was disdain

And finally, your eyes turned glassy, 

As you frowned. 

You walked closer, 

Your hands latched onto mine

And for a fleeting second, I let myself hope

But then, you began to speak

And I can’t seem to remember a single word you said,

Perhaps I was too drunk or already lost,

Lost at the thought of losing you.

Yet I do remember, how every word you said

Was like a stake tearing through my skin

Wrenching its way to my heart

“Maybe it’s fate,”

You said and in that moment

I came undone. 

For it was the same thing

You’d murmured into my ears

Years ago, when you’d run into me.

Your hands were at the nape of my neck

And the music echoed across the dance floor. 

And back then I was too naïve 

Or maybe just too drunk 

Either on cheap booze or on merely the thought of falling in love

To even begin to understand

That people are never meant to be

That we simply stumble upon each other’s paths

And choose to believe in fate

For romanticizing every aspect of life

Is what makes it seem beautiful. 

I should’ve realized that

One day you’d say the same thing

To weasel out of my life, 

Blame the universe

For deciding, who you loved and when,

For that’s far easier than blaming yourself. 

So I sit here pondering,

As they bombard me with questions

And some even go far enough

To make false promises

And all I do is play the same night in my mind 

Over and over, on loop,

And I’m truly amazed at your sheer audacity

For not only did you break me

But you also chose to call it my destiny. 

 

Written by Medha Somayaji for MTTN

Featured image by Shailja Sharma for MTTN 

 

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