Memories in Music: Night We Met

“I had all then most of you

Some and now none of you”

 I saw you at the end of the street, a soft glow radiating, and it was as though you were calling me – a birdsong composition from you to me. You stood and waited steady as a rock while I floated toward you in awe. I anchored my soul to your ethereal being, creating a tether to this plane of reality. Before I knew it, you were the sky and the clouds and the ground beneath my feet. You were light, laughter, and hope and I slipped my heart into your pocket assured that it will be safe and sound. The love oozing through me was more than I could fathom I possessed, and I just wanted to pour it onto you. You didn’t know it, but that day you saved me. Our relationship set sail and you were the rope and knot to the vessel now in safe mooring. I looked into your eyes and heart and all I could see was my reflection, revealing your purity; and I knew then, that I had all of you…

As we navigated the ocean of love, we cruised the rocky waves and the steady waters together. We settled into a rhythm, although monotonous it was reassuring that I was experiencing these oscillations with you. My love rose with each wave and spanned till the brinks of the horizon before spilling over to yonder. When you looked at me there was an intensity to it like your love was kerosene and I was your only flame. We shared an empyreal emotional and physical intimacy; the kind mortals yearn for. You were my confidant and drank my words and problems as though they were auditory nectar. You encouraged me to step into the light after only having hovered in the semi-shadows. You fed me the courage and said it took the heart of a lion because there was no retracting, and I laced my hand in yours and took a leap of faith because I knew that even if we went our separate ways our souls would be each other’s light. With you, it was like fire with Earth and yet there existed a serenity where our souls could dwell forever, seared into one another. We had become one and a part of you was etched in me forever, so even if I couldn’t have all of you, I had most of you…

I saw the iceberg before you did.

Screamed and yelled for you to help me manoeuvre our path; but you remained tranquil, convinced that our intertwined hands would keep us knotted. With each frantic bellow, my love grew more bewitching and I willed myself to keep you safe. To keep us safe. But you, you laid back and let me do the steering. I want to believe that it was the light of your love that blinded you to this fatal peril. I questioned your love for me and chided myself for hanging on to something so incomprehensible. Flashbacks of your brown eyes, which were amber swirls under the Sun with my face dancing in front of your twinkling eyes hit me. I  remind myself of the care and warmth you provided me even during the stormiest nights, the feeling you gave. Was it enough? How could I keep pouring my love into an abyss? If I stumbled and fell away from your light, would you seek me in the darkness or continue sailing? I loved you, I really did, but I was tired…I convinced myself that if not most then I at least had some of you…

Exhaustion. My perennial state of being.

In hindsight, I realize there was no glow around you it was just the streetlight you stood below- the only light on that forsaken darkened path. What once used to be a birdsong was nothing but a hollow cry echoing throughout.

You were merely my shadow. My reflection. You were me.

I’ve been stumbling around the chasm of my mind, understanding that I was always an unaccompanied traveller, now drowning in the tears I had filled my own abyss with. You were nothing but an illusion. A twisted fantasy. I had drained myself trying to keep you alive and now that I had passed the transient light, I lost myself as macabre confetti to the wind that swept the streets of its dead souls; and once again you dissolved into the darkness I had birthed you from, leaving me with none of you…


Written by Aditi Atreya for MTTN

Edited by Kriti Gopal for MTTN

Featured Image and Image Credits by Benita Kb

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