My childhood is a blur
Most memories faded
Yet, stamps remnants of emotions inside
Especially yours, only after death,
May it fade.
Writing about you feels silly.
For Words couldn’t possibly explain.
Impact of grand magic and simple beauty
The birth, life and death of which are at the apex of this 200000 years old game.
Goldfish memory failed to fail this time around,
As your son is not religious, he still greets heaven every morning
As befitting, your least favourite portrait was the first to know about the ring.
Horror movies, even with the quality decline, are still a Sunday family tradition;
And the rainy evening view of the lake, without the umbrella, now twice as before, is my favourite getaway.
Did you know? Your daughter is in love!
I believe deeper than you were
Both of us, happy at work, like you always wanted, somehow find time daily for a call.
Of course, sometimes I put the phone aside while she rants over and over.
Dad walks on the treadmill daily, sometimes even outside.
Genuinely tries but fails to eat less sugar
And at work laughs more than he shouts, surprising right?
Well, it is because your currently smug son has taken over.
Oh, How I wish,
That I could spoil you with everything;
With or without asking;
Just like in the dreams of every sleepless night you used to have.
I regret not asking about all the plans you had for my wedding,
I know you would have hated it, but crying was all I could do that day in front of your portrait.
All relatives, even the distasteful ones, were invited to the reception just like you would’ve wanted.
I know it’s impossible, but I still wish you could have met her once because I know seeing us together would make that day your happiest.
Through the ups and especially the downs
I carry every lesson of yours because you were my wise one
I didn’t have a clear goal in life, but now I swear I try,
For over ten years of trying to become a man, you would have been proud just naming your son.
You cried when I didn’t talk to you for unreasonable reasons
You forgave ignoring and sometimes even humiliation
You couldn’t eat properly whenever I was sick
Some of your habits were seriously wrong, but it still does not make sense for someone like that to turn into mere narration.
The day I held her in my arms for the first time
And said your name for the infinite
All I wished for while kissing that forehead was that you could have held her too,
And that I love her at least a fraction of what her grandma would have.
If heaven had visiting hours, I would have shown you pictures
Would have told you the spicy details
But before that, I would have asked for a hug,
And maybe, a pat on the back, please, only if you feel I deserve one or two.
Hey Mom, if you only knew
How much I have grown
And how much I wish for a chance to say again,
For everything between your first and last renditions of
I love you.
Written By Nishant Choudhary for MTTN
Edited by Aarthika Srinivasan for MTTN
Featured Artwork by Saumya Sharma for MTTN