The Visitor Diaries

Good morning folks and welcome to the Bill and Ted’s Excellent Blog. As the leading reviewers of planet Hreidmar, your favourite film nerds this side of the galaxy bring to you our latest interplanetary review!

Last week we visited the Venusians in Venus- absolutely lovely creatures with an even lovelier culture. However, this week we have decided to visit the extremely controversial (and extremely clueless) aliens of the blue planet- Earth. They call themselves ‘human beings’ and might as well be the cockiest species in the seven universes. We, however, are not here to criticise. We’re here to review their culture- a thing that is most abundantly viable through their little primitive moving films. We are here for you and only you, dear readers, and so we bring to you a review of the most famous human media genres. Enjoy!

Murder/Mystery:

Now, this is something the humans seem to absolutely love. It’s kind of cute honestly, watching them try to comprehend things that exist beyond their immediate comprehension- a story they don’t quite understand, a murder that doesn’t make sense. Now, dear reader, you may be wondering why this genre even exists- they could just use their third eye and unravel the intricacies the humans try so hard to weave. Well, unfortunately, the humans are very archaic in that sense. Armed with nothing but two eyes and a thought process bound within the three dimensions of their existence, they do not have the ability to even fathom the planes of existence we operate on.

Action:

Some of our senior readers with access to our historical records must know how our species was in the beginning. Mere fledgelings, confined to just our planet, our ancestors used to behave like newborns- always crying and fighting amongst themselves. This genre portrays exactly that. Of course, the humans are still a young civilisation. They don’t even know how much they don’t know. However, these films make for great viewing! Usually armed with these toy-like things they call guns to kill each other, most of the characters in these movies want power over tiny parts of their planet. This leads to long sequences where they try to harm each other. It is absolutely adorable.

Aliens:

At long last, the moment you have been waiting for, dear readers! Human-made alien film. Their perception of us is shown in these ridiculous things. They seem to think we are a savage civilization, with our only purpose being the complete destruction of their planet and everyone on it. We are shown as large predators with powers of invisibility, sharp jaws and a general sense of bloodlust to boot. We have got to hand it to them- their sense of self-importance is second to none! More often than not, they seem to think they can win against an invasion. They are like stubborn little younglings who believe they are indestructible. We could watch these for all eight of our lives! We strongly recommend you do too.

We would like to conclude this review by saying that while humans are cocky archaic creatures who think the nine dimensions and seven universes revolve around them (despite them only believing in the existence of four dimensions and one universe), they put a lot of care into their moving films, which frankly, make our raphians (or as the humans call them, hearts) very happy.

A lot of their content lacks intelligence and depth but they bare their white dentures at the sight of these so-called movies and at the end of the human day that’s all that matters isn’t it?

And that, dear readers, is all we have for you for this planetary rotation. Join us again next week for a review of Telletran’s craters (Spoiler: You won’t BELIEVE what lies in store for Crater #6!)

Written By Rushil Dalal and Tanya Jain for MTTN
Featured Image by Arunaksha Das for MTTN

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