I’m bisexual. I’ve known forever and I think I’m ready to let you know. This means something to me, coming out to you; it took more courage to write this than I thought I had. Call me a dreamer, but I hope you understand me, that you wholly accept me.
I realize that you’re probably very confused right now, so read on but please, remember that I’m still me.
No, this isn’t a phase, it isn’t transient, it isn’t temporary. I’ve gone back and forth on this a lot, kept innumerable sunrises company doubting myself, then trying to reconcile my old perception of myself with this new self. It took me time to realize that these two selves were just a revelation apart. For some people it does end up being temporary, but I am as certain as I have ever been. It feels right. It feels good.
No, I’m not doing this for the attention, or because it’s ‘trendy’. Telling people makes me nauseated with fear. Finding out that my best friend, my boyfriend and my family are unapologetically homophobic broke me. I don’t want the most important people in my life to hate me. Being out is scary. The monsters in my life don’t hide under my bed; they’re in my class, my family, my friend circle.
No, I’m not being ‘greedy’, I really can’t lust after everyone. I’m not trying to widen the dating pool. I’m not looking to be more promiscuous; I don’t want a different partner every night. I still want to be loved, to love one person my whole life, to have a family; I simply don’t have a specific gender in mind.
No, I’m not half-gay and half-straight. I am a whole bisexual person. My identity doesn’t change with who I date. It is a part of me. A part of me that won’t change regardless of which gender I end up with. A part of me that won’t change even if I don’t ever have a relationship with one gender. A part of me that I can’t ignore. A part of me that I won’t ignore. Please don’t minimize me, please don’t erase me.
Please don’t tell me that all women, on some level, are bisexual. Don’t trivialize my identity.
My friend, it’s been a difficult journey.
A 14-year-old girl does not have a dearth of things to be confused by, and when you add the possibility of her being more abnormal than she already feels like she is, the confusion only deepens. So many cautious, paranoid Google searches, never forgetting to erase her browser history, so much questioning, so much uncertainty. Examining every notion she has ever had about love, about what’s right and wrong. Leading up to the day when she finally tells someone, and they hug her and tell her they love her all the same. Of course, there will be people who won’t react the same way, but it’s alright. She’s strong. I’m strong.
I hope this news doesn’t change anything for you. It changed everything for me.
Because it’s all about love,
The writer wishes to remain anonymous.
Edited by Mihika Antonia Dean for MTTN
Featured image and artwork by @lifeisam.art.ini