“Just be you” is probably the worst advice we could ever get or give someone. Few of us even know who we are. And yet, if we can get this art of self-acceptance, everything changes.
Which self ought I be? The smart daughter, my parents, want me to be? The obedient student, my teachers taught me to be? Telling a person who even struggles to look in the mirror confidently that they should just “be themselves” is, at best, a cruel joke.
And yet, we all do it every day.
Self-awareness is a skill to be gained, not a privilege awarded. It must be earned through those painful wake-up calls we all get any time we chase those tiresome expectations of perfectionism and then end up being disillusioned by the process.
Like any other 13-year-old introvert, I had my share of humiliation for not being “cool enough” in junior school that left me virtually friendless. Hence, I entered high school with an eagerness to reinvent myself. I knew what I wanted, so begged my mom to let me spend all my clothes budget of Rs 2000 on a single T-shirt.
I’d never been into brand names or sports but always admired the popular kids who wore such branded clothes. I thought that maybe this T-shirt could be my introduction to a new personality. I’m not sure that I thought it would make me the popular one, but at the very least, I wouldn’t stick out as a target for ridicule anymore.
Walking in with newfound confidence, I strolled my way to the new classroom and walked past one of the popular kids in my class. She stopped in front of me and just stared, then blurted out, “What are you wearing that for? You don’t play sports! And do you even like Nike?”
It was a fair question. I’d never worn Nike.
Why was I wearing a Nike shirt? Because it was cool? But now, the T-shirt was bringing all kinds of attention. I wasn’t sure I wanted. That night, I dumped the shirt in the bin and stomped away. Then five minutes later, I came back to the trash and retrieved this piece of fabric. Growing up middle class, I was well taught to always clear your plate and never throw away 2000 rupee T-shirts, no matter how much they made fun of you for it.
The very thing I thought would bring me confidence had now become a new source of shame. And this was perhaps my first wake up call.
To be yourself means to accept and be okay with the fact that you might not even know who you are.
For me, it meant letting go of the person I always thought I was. In doing so, I experienced more acceptance for myself. Self-awareness has made me a better buddy to my friends, a more loving daughter to my parents, a patient learner to my teachers, and, probably, a more empathetic writer for everyone.
But this is not easy. Becoming yourself is a process that often takes years of hard work, confidence, letdowns, and a good look in the mirror. But the reward is worth all this labor.
When we finally conquer this ageless quest for acceptance, we become true to ourselves. We can finally be what we all say- comfortable in our skin.
We have to agree, at some point, that we don’t have as much control over who we mature as we had originally realized. Of course, we do want to believe that we are mostly in control of our lives and choices. But most psychology and sociology proves that it is not the case. Change where you were born, and you’d be a completely different person, following another religion, with a contrasting worldview, a different set of politics, even a different diet that would dramatically affect your physiology.
And when you realize that, life becomes an infinite game in which you are free to play, without being trapped by any success you have or being afraid of potential failures, you no more have to be perfect.
Which is to say, you can be yourself. And that’s wonderful.
Written by Ridhima Sharma for MTTN
Edited by Andrea Xavier Gonsalves for MTTN
Featured image by http://www.brokenisntbad.com
Artwork by http://www.breathemagazine.com/
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