Is it dark already? You look into each other’s eyes and feel their fingers gently swirling patterns across your arm. You can still feel the butterflies fluttering away in your stomach as you slowly lean in- and the alarm rings. Muttering, “It was too good to be true” and cursing the alarm for interrupting, you make your way out of bed, bracing yourself for another dreary day.
It’s like a cosmic joke, finally walking out of your painfully boring lectures, just to have to walk past every couple determined to intertwine themselves into one being, to reach the safety of your room.
Somehow, without your realisation, your friend circle doubled into a more composite “we” and now seldom does everyone’s schedules match. Inadvertently, you are always left third-wheeling and wondering if sitting alone in the library might just have been the better option. Walking back to your hostel at night, their tearful adieus echo your footsteps. But even as you roll your eyes at the cringe behaviour, you secretly wish for someone whose presence could outweigh the cosiness of your room.
The pressure to be in a relationship heightens during college. Come Valentine’s Day and new couples start popping up like moles in a game of Whack-a-mole. Too often, being single is often associated with a feeling of shame and self-doubt.
No doubt, Manipal can feel like a lonely place at times with the crushing pressure of academics, distance from family and the sudden release into the chaotic real world. It makes you crave that emotional intimacy, but while it may pan out favourably for those in the good books of Cupid, most people end up grappling with the despondent feeling of inadequacy.
Is it any surprise then that the most popular topic of discussion amongst a group of single friends here revolves around whining about love and the fools who fall for it?
At least here, misery breeds company.
Something that often gets lost in this turmoil of emotional confusion is the beauty of being single. It’s the freedom to stay wrapped up in a book or go for a spontaneous walk around the lake. There is less drama in your life, more time to reflect and introspect and the best part, rediscover who you are. You’re in a unique position where you hold the key to your happiness, where there is nobody to hold you accountable or to justify the frivolous wants that make you maddeningly happy. Whether it’s self-care Sundays filled with cheesy romcoms and ice-cream or Friday nights bopping to the latest music hits in a sweaty crowd, the choice lies with you.
This time will never come back, so there seems little harm in taking a few years to enjoy it before falling headfirst in the rush of love. With each relationship, you will learn something new about the world and yourself, but the first relationship has to be with yourself.
I am willing to wait till the timing feels right. Till then, I will work upon myself, slowly piecing myself into the best possible version. And maybe, one day when I fall in love, I will know every single minute of the wait was worth it.
To all the beautiful people in their satisfying relationships, the ones who flip through partners, or the ones waiting for the rush of endorphins when they lock eyes; Love is a fickle, fleeting thought here. Savour it while it lasts.
Written by Shivangi Acharya for MTTN
Edited by Kriti Gopal for MTTN
Featured Image by Hyocheon Jeong
Artwork by Hyocheon Jeong
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