Five Stages, One Loss

~ denial

Seven days, and it still seems so unreal

How could you be gone?

I’ve relived the moment I found out over and over again,

Yet nothing makes sense.

I’ve tried piecing it all together,

And I know you’re in a better place now.

But you can’t be gone.

I go back to the moment when I heard of you –

With tears and confusion taking me over

I remember feeling lost, hoping I misheard it.

~ anger

Another week goes by,

And I don’t know how things changed this fast

I read about this, I was sure I’d never feel it

How could I ever be mad at you?

Now, I know I’m not. But it hurts that you left

Again, I know you had to and this ‘rage’, it isn’t me.

But I’m not myself without you either.

~ bargaining

Days pass, and I’m begging –

Pleading for a chance to see you again, to hug you again.

Pictures, memories, and dreams won’t do;

There’s so much more I need to tell you

I’d do it all over again, and differently.

I’d give almost anything to see you again.

~ depression

What was almost a normal day changed my life forever,

Yet now I still go about my day normally.

I’ve lost one of the biggest parts of me

But this is what you’d want, for me to carry on.

For us to carry on.

The hollow feeling I thought I had filled, well it’s back.

“It’s okay, life has to go on,” that’s what you’d tell me

The thought of you is the only thing that’s getting me through.

Too many things realized far too late,

I know you’ll still be waiting for me at heaven’s gate.

~ acceptance

No matter what, you’ll always be one of my hardest goodbyes

Looking back at pictures, to moments frozen in time

Coming back to an empty house, a little part of me dies.

All I want to do is thank you for holding on for so long

I know this isn’t remotely enough to tell you how much I love you,

But I’ll always hope that I can tell you again.

So until then, say hi to grandpa for me, grandpa.

Karthika Venugopal for MTTN

Featured Image Courtesy: Anmol Rathi

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