“Daddy, look, I got A+.”
“I’m proud of you, baby,” he’d say.
I’d prance around happily,
For it’s been a good day.
“Mummy see! I got a certificate today.”
“Wow, that’s too good,” she’d say.
I ate my favourite snacks that day,
Happy, that I had blown her away.
“Come with me after class no”
My friend hurriedly told me
I had an exam, but that can wait
As long as she was glad, I’d smile with glee.
“Stop sitting in the corner and come join the party”
My sister dragged me to the dance floor.
“Yeah, she’s right, only losers sit around and mope.”
I danced till my legs were sore.
“Finish this work for me, won’t ya”
Said my colleague at the office.
Sure, why not, you can go home,” I said.
Despite having plans, I felt it was something I couldn’t dismiss.
Today I’m standing in front of the mirror,
Tears fall out of my eyes.
Has everything that I’ve done so far,
Weaved a web of lies?
My whole life was dictated,
By what other people desire.
I drew happiness from their happiness.
But is this really the manner in which joy should be acquired?
A people pleaser, a doormat,
Is what people call my kind.
When asked about what we want with life,
No answers we can find.
As I reflect on my behaviour,
There’s only one thing I ponder.
Will I ever have the courage to say no?
Will I be able to maintain candour?
I have come to a solution, after this introspection
That validation comes from within.
I need to do what makes me happy for me,
Never again, should I commit this sin.
Written by Sanjana Bharadwaj for MTTN
Featured Image by Pradhi Agarwal for MTTN