“Sex is cool but have you ever organized your work so well that you can find that stapler when you need it the most,” says 21 years old Josh [name has been changed]. He says that there is this notion to connect romance or love with sex. Not being sexually attracted doesn’t make anyone incapable of love or romance. Asexual people are often confused with people who are anti-sex but that is not true. Asexual people respect any act of consensual sexual activity however they just don’t want to engage in it or they are simply not interested. It is entirely and incredibly possible to have a sex-positive attitude and be asexual. Asexuality is often believed to be a lifestyle choice as opposed to being a legit sexual orientation.
“Whenever I go to the pub or to these parties with my friends, I often get forced by them to talk to other women, to make the first move, but I honestly just want to eat my food and enjoy my drink. I’m simply not interested,” said Josh.
Assuming that asexual people are straight also strengthens the heteronormative narrative. Asexual people have the right to choose their gender and sexual orientation.
“Josh, you haven’t found the right person dude, to unlock your sexual desires and fantasies is something people often say, it’s as bizarre as telling a gay man that he hasn’t found the right woman!” One can be with the right person and still not be sexually attracted. Similarly, a person who is in a happy and wholesome relationship can be asexual making this argument completely baseless and senseless.
Society often labels asexuality as a disease or that it is a result of some childhood trauma but these allegations are not true. Asexuality is not a result of any hormone deficiency or a psychological ailment. It is an orientation that must be seen, heard, and respected.
Society makes us believe that everyone wants sex and that everyone wants to ‘mate and date‘ making the asexual people feel worried and left out thereby making asexuality an “invisible orientation”
This shouldn’t be the case, asexual people are just as valid and have long been brushed aside from the orientations that exist. We’re all complicit and hence, it’s upon us to bring change.
We all start somewhere. Start today.
Note:
This article is written to voice the opinions of those asexuals who’ve been shamed for not being sexually inclined. We understand that asexuality is a spectrum.
We’re trying to emphasize the fact that healthy relationships and love can exist without sexual feelings and we should not shame asexuals for the same.
Written by Aricia Bahl for MTTN
Edited by Asma Abidin for MTTN
Featured Image by Janusz Jurek
Artwork by Hakobore
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