Letter to My Grandfather

My dearest Papa,

It has been more than seven years since you’ve been gone, and yet it feels like just yesterday that you were here. Losing you was probably one of the most painful situations I have ever faced. You had been a constant in my life, and after losing you, I felt lost and adrift.

I miss the big moments like the birthdays and Christmas-time and the little moments like you picking me up from school and drying my hair.

But you have taught me to be strong, and that is what I am always trying to be.

So many things have changed in the past few years. Today I wonder if you would recognize the places you frequented and the streets where you grew up. I wonder if you would recognize me, with blue and purple hair and black nails. I wonder if you would even recognize the rest of our family; we are all older and a little more exhausted. Things have changed, not all of them for the better.

There have been so many situations where I wished you were here to guide and advise us, from little things like what to eat for breakfast to big ones like what career am I going to pursue. What decisions would you have made differently? Would you have moved to Dubai with us after all? Would you have approved the choices I have made and the directions we have gone in? I wonder what you would have said about me choosing to pursue Occupational Therapy or about me studying in Manipal. How different would my life be if you were still here?

With you gone, there are so many questions I will never get answered. Simple questions that I never thought were important now, mean the world to me, like stories about your childhood or what was your first job? You were such a private person, and I thought I had all the time in the world to ask.

I wish you were here to see me graduate from university, and I hope you would be proud. I wish you were here to see who I am today because you helped shape this person, and I hope and wish I am someone you would be proud to call your grandchild.

If you were reading this, I would want you to know that I am happy, that our family is doing the best we can. And that we will always miss you.

Love,

Abigail

Written by Abigail Rebello for MTTN

Edited by Anushka Das for MTTN

Featured image by James Coates

Artwork by Rachana Gurung