Diary Entry – 25.12.19
So, I’m back and I now have a goatee. You remember how I told you yesterday that the missus wanted a change. Ohhh the woman! How she managed! All the while I was busy looking at all the inventions by the Spy Department; they’re meant to make my journey smoother. One of my most favourite inventions of all time is the dog detector. It checks if there’s a dog in the house and then creates a special treat for the dog so the dog doesn’t bark and wake the family up! The treats also taste pretty good, not that I tried a dog treat, I just…….know everything. Hehe.
Wait, where were we? Ah, yes, there I was, minding my damn business when the crazy missus decided to use some of the sleeping gas on me! Now, of course, I’m a big ol’ powerful being, it would be a shame if some sleeping gas could knock me out. But it did. And when I woke up, my beautiful snow-white beard was missing! C’est la vie.
Anyway, I finally got decked in my suit, the reindeer are in front of me, shining hooves and all. And Rudolf seems to be gleaming through his bright nose. It’s almost midnight here and I have just reached the North Pole’s starting point. I’m ready to win this years competition.
Want some insider information? There’s 10 Santas in total. I really can’t decipher how you humans believe an individual Santa can travel through the world and deliver gifts to our 2.2 billion little angels.
All 10 of us handle significant chunks of countries across the world. I handle India and it’s neighbouring states as well as some parts of the middle east. I share the middle east region with Miss Babushka, she handles Russia and the northern middle east. She’s also the only female Santa Claus.
You remember the day our administrator, Sir Jesus, introduced her to our agency? We were honestly quite shocked, some of the other Santas even thought she wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure of the job — but why not right? Sir Jesus was right; we needed change, desperately. Our little children down on Earth were fighting for the rights that they deserved. And so, we would try our best to reflect ourselves as them. Soon after we had our first pansexual Santa.
Enough about others, this is about me! Sir Jesus decided to have a competition a couple 100 years or so. All of us, the 10 Santas of the world, would compete to win the title of “Best Santa”. Now Miss Babushka has been winning the title of “Best Santa” since the last 7 years and honestly, I want that to be me. I’m currently ranked the 8th in the world.
We’re all ranked based on our performances in speed, accuracy and creativity. The best, slyest and most loving and creative Santa’s are the ones that win the title. But we do not think about the past. This time, I’m determined to make it to the first place. I mean, can you imagine a new sleigh? The SledX1500, ooh I feel the goosebumps. It’s made of pure premium oak wood, has a Bluetooth speaker that surrounds the sleigh so you can enjoy your favourite tunes, LED lights that make it a mini-rave party, an invisibility feature so you can park your sleigh with almost no difficulty, and the best of all, wait for it – a cup holder!.
Okay, I’ll check back in with you, Sir Jesus is here to initiate the competition.
Okay, I’m back. Sir Jesus gave us a brief speech and shot the first firework of Christmas. It’s made with absolutely no-pollution or sound in case you were wondering, just a lot of magic and pure love.
Now, I’m speeding past the Arctic Ocean. Babushka and I share a very similar path, so if I look out of my sleigh with my special binoculars I can almost catch a whisp of her hair. I think.
My first house will approach soon, it belongs to John Wisherman. And of course, like almost all the humans of the world, he too stays in an apartment. I truly find it remarkable how humans created such structures. But, did they really have to get rid of chimneys while they were at it? Sir Jesus had to send us special personnel — the magical elves, to become part of what we would call the Spy Department.
I wish being Santa was easier like, I could just pick a lock, enter the house through the front door, keep the gifts and waltz my way out while having some plumcake. But instead, I’ve to keep fit the entire year so I can perform my task with the utmost ease.
And so I begin my night’s journey. Wish me luck!
I landed on the roof of my 1,005th house and took out the gifts. When I watch famous Christmas movies, I always get confused as to why the Santas in those films fly with their sleigh as soon as they are done with one house. Who’s going to do all the other houses on that street, and the street next to that and the one after that?. I mean, I park my sleigh and often at times forget where I parked it. Then I just call for Rudolph and the smart reindeer finds his way to me.
Anyway, I looked around the house as I snuck in from the 26th floor of a building overlooking the Sheik Zayed Road in Dubai. You know, it’s not nice to be a Santa who is afraid of heights. So, I went about my business while sweating really bad, tiptoed down the hall towards the Christmas tree that was gleaming towards me. Suddenly I felt a looming presence behind me. I slowly turned around only to see a cat. I believe that was Erika’s cat Bobline, what an outrageous name. I gestured at it to be quiet but it screeched so loudly that I had to run to place the presents and scamper as quickly out of the house before anyone awoke. Jeez, it was so much action for one household, that too on the 26th floor. I wondered what the other houses were to bring. The next couple of houses went smoothly and it was all good and joy.
I love reading the occasional letters that little kids leave next to their trees for me to read. A particular favourite was Jessica Park who wrote “Dear Santa, I am very grateful to you for fulfilling all my wishes every year. I know I’m probably the not the nicest kid in town. But, this year, I found out that a lot of Christmas trees are made with plastic and other Christmas trees are cut down. I felt very sad. I learnt in school that plastic and something called global heating was happening, and the polar bears don’t have a home anymore. So, this Christmas, I chose to paint a Christmas tree on the wall. Mom wasn’t happy with that idea when she came home, I guess I’m not a very good artist either. But, can you please make sure that the polar bears have a home? Cause I have one. Thank you, Santa!”
There was nothing more heart-wrenching than seeing a little girl’s request for a better planet. How could I promise her a better home? I knew I’d have to bring it up with Sir Jesus, but in the meanwhile, I brought her a plushy polar bear and made a small note next to it assuring her that her Santa would do his best to make sure the polar bears had a home too.
But this Jessica, she seems like she is capable of big change. For in that building, I didn’t find a single Christmas tree put up. And I’m sure it is all thanks to her.
Okay, I messed up. I finished up the Middle East with ease. It was so nice to see the decorations placed across the most popular streets. And then even Southern India went super well, I loved seeing all the rose cookies and the strong, delicious scent of the delicacies cooked at home for dinner that night.
But that isn’t the darn point. All was well until I reached Mumbai, specifically, Miss Elizabeth D’Costa’s house. Oh, I messed up bad! I’m pretty sure Sir Jesus is going to have quite a bit to say about it. It’s a good thing that I don’t report to him until 26th morning. That’s mostly cause we get the day off to rest after months of hard work.
So until then, mum’s the word!
~ Written by Melissa Carlo, Sanjana Bharadwaj and Vaishnavi Karkare for MTTN
~ Featured Image by Sara Dharmik